I need help removing her.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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