Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
