Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
