Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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