I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
