Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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