if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
