This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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