we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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