3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
