Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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