oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
