Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
