This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she told me i tasted like america
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize