You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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