I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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