That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
