I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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