I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
