Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
