I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
