How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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