even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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