either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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