do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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