glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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