I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
this just has baby written all over it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
