I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
