There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
