Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
