My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
