i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
