i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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