God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
