Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
