Are we in a gay sports bar?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
do nipples grow back?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
