Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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