My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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