I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
