if you like me you must not know who I am
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize