What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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