wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
