Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
