I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
