I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
