my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
