In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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