I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
