So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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