I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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