There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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