i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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