The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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