I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize