This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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