I wish I could punch you in the face.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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