i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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