i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
