Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize