I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
