I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
