I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
