See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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