omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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