oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your cock deserves a montage
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
