I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
