There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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