i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
