her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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