He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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