You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
