so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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