I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
