I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
