Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
false alarm. still invincible.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
