If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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