I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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