Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
