She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
