Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize