Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
