Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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