y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
