yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got inside last night via doggy door
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
